Slenderville High

The scene opens on a teenaged Gashon (Michael Weatherly) sitting with a teenaged Kahar (Rainn Wilson) in a high-school cafeteria. In the background, a black and white banner displays "SLENDERVILLE HIGH."

Kahar: Did you hear the rumors? Xalandra sucked some guy named Daniel's dick. She is soooooo hot.   

Gashon: Oh my god, Kahar, get over her. Everyone knows Mirta is the hottest chick in town.

Gashon looks over at another table, where a teenaged Axrik (James Franco) and Mirta (Amy Lee) are making out.

Gashon: At least one guy knows.... wait isn’t Daniel Asian or something?

Kahar: Yeah that’s what I heard. Look out Gash, here comes trouble.

Gashon and the camera turn around to see Casey (Jake Lloyd) with a mob of stereotypical white "gangstas", Including Ben Drago and Rufus Zeno behind him. Casey is holding a can.

Casey: Looks like it's time for my favorite game...

Gashon: Oh, for fuck's sake...


Casey throws a can at Gashon, hitting him on the knee.

Gashon: Oh my god, this is stupid.

Casey's "gangstas" give him two more cans, which he throws again. One hits Kahar in the face, and the other bounces off Gashon's head.

Kahar: Can you maybe not do that?

Rufus: Well that’s no fun, now is it Kahar?

Gashon: Is there any particular reason you feel the need to be such an asshole?

Casey: It’s simple. It pisses you off.

Ben: Hey Casey, look, another target!

The camera turns to show a teenaged Rygan (Seamus Dever) watching the entire scene from another table where he is sitting by himself.

Casey: Give me another can.

The group then ambushes Rygan with cans, hitting him in the head, face, and knees. They eventually run out of cans and leave.

Kahar: Damn, he got hit more than both of us combined. He must be pathetic.

Gashon: Yeah that’s the dude with the imaginary girlfriend named Makayla.

Kahar: Ok now that is just fucking sad.

Gashon: There’s a pool going around questioning how many times he’s fapped to her…

Kahar: Well that’s gross. What’s the highest number so far?

Gashon: According to some random guy in homeroom, “ovah 9000.”

Kahar: Ok I’m done here.

Gashon: Agreed.

Shortly after that, the bell rings and the two leave for their classes.

Scene 2 Edit

The scene opens in one of Slenderville High’s classrooms (aka Spanish class). The camera turns as Mike (teenaged George Eads) approaches Gashon.

Mike: Gashon did you finish the Mexico presentation or not?

Gashon: Yes, I did, now fuck off.

Mike: Ok, ok. Hey what's Khira’s problem?

The camera turns to show Khira (teenaged Angie Harmon) staring blankly nearly crying.

Gashon: Apparently Seth kissed her at some dance and she is now traumatized. She ended up running to the bathroom crying during “Don’t Stop Believing.”

Mike: Which begs the question.

Gashon: What question?

Mike: Did she cry because of Seth, or does she just hate Journey?

Gashon: Hmm…


Mike: -quietly- I bet  she fucked Seth with her Tic Tac dick.

Gashon: Oh, she dumped his ass. She’s with that freak Bobby now.

Mike: Isn’t he the guy who danced at the pep rally?

Gashon: Yes.

Mike: Holy shit, that guy is practically retarded...

Gashon: Clearly she has a type.

Scene 3

The scene opens to the school gymnasium, where a game of dodgeball is about to begin.

Gashon: Wee, dodgeball, my favorite part of the day.

Casey: It’s mine too!

Coach Blarth: Ok here’s team 1: Casey, Rufus, Ben, Eric, Jon, Owen, Colin, and Gavin.

Gashon: Great, all the neanderthals on one team.

Coach Blarth: Team 2: Gashon, Mike, Rygan, Kahar, Kantor, Goji, Boom, and Reed.

Mike: And all the losers on the other.

Rygan: Really? I just got gashcanned two mods ago!

Kahar: Then stop fapping to girls that don’t exist


Coach Blarth: QUIET! Each team go to opposite sides of the gym. 3, 2, 1, GO!

The entire first team get their dodgeballs and immediately nail Gashon, Kahar, Rygan, and Mike

Gashon: And we’re out. Of course.

The four of them move to the sidelines as Team 1 destroys everyone on the opposing side.

Coach Blarth: Well that’s the fastest game all day…

Reed: Probably cause you put all the athletic ones on one team?

Coach Blarth: What’d you say?

Reed: Nothing. o_o

Coach Blarth: Ok… you guys can just go to the locker rooms now.

The class goes to the locker rooms to change not realizing that Coach Blarth is watching them.

Scene 4 Edit

The camera turns with Gashon walking out of the gym near the music hall just as his friend, Christian () walks out.


Gashon: Guess I’m just walking with gashspeed today.

Christian: What the hell happened to you?

Gashon: I got gashcanned at lunch. Followed by dodgeball in gym.

Christian: We still have 3 mods left.

Gashon: Which means Russians in social studies, torture in science, and whatever the hell the bipolar one wants to do to me in band.

Christian: Well it’s your fault he hates you. You shouldn’t have called him bipolar in the first place, and then proceed to talk shit about him after the band concert! Am I missing something? Oh right, the Skype group you made to rant about him that you added Sam to.

Gashon: Yes, I’ve learned never tell Sam anything. Besides, I’m sure he’ll get over it eventually. Until then, I patiently await death.

Christian: Ok then. Gotta go, see you on the platform.

Gashon: Ok.

The screen fades out, and fades back in with Gashon walking into his social studies classroom.

Gio: Hey look, it’s the Gashfag!

Gashon: Hey, at least I’m not a fucking Soviet!

Gio: What did you just say about me, you dick?!

The camera turns to show the teacher walking in.

Teacher: Everyone take out your homework while I take attendance.

Random kids in the back: Oh shit.

Gashon turns to the kid behind him, Dan.

Gashon: Uhh what was it again?

Dan: First 20 questions for the midterm study guide

Gashon: Oh, right. God dammit, I only did half?!

Dan: You’ve got time, she just finished attendance.

Gashon quickly finishes the last 10 questions just before the teacher gets to his row.

Dan: Impressive.

Gashon: Maybe I just work well under pressure?

The teacher finishes checking the study guides and goes back to her desk.

Teacher: Ok, who wants to lead the class

Dan, Gio, and some others raise their hands

Teacher: Dan, come up front please.

Gashon turns to person next to him, Mark

Gashon: Of fucking course the one with the superiority complex wants to do it…

Mark: I know right? He needs to realize literally no one in here likes him.

Gashon: Maybe if he lightened up and stopped acting above everyone else, we would.

Mark: Would it be worse if he was Victor?

Gashon: I don’t know, just be happy Victor is a sophomore and can’t be in this class.

Mark: What the hell did you do to him anyway?

Gashon: Oh, what a long story.

The bell then rings.

Mark: A story that will have to be told later.

Gashon: Yeah. I’ll see you later.

Scene 5

The scene opens with Gashon walking into his science class, sitting at a table with Nick (), Ian (), and Carter ().

Gashon: Oh look, my favorite class.

Carter: Then you get to run from Victor next!

Gashon: Yeah… isn’t Slenderville High GREAT???

Nick: Yes if you want to put up with assholes everyday.

The bell signaling the start of class rings, and the afternoon announcements are given through the loudspeaker


Everyone: José was standing up??